A few good men

All rise, the court of the bellyness is now in session. Today's case involves the defendant, accused of extreme imbecility. Gentlemen of the jury, please take your seats and prepare to hear the irrefutable evidence that the poppa-to-be is not only guilty of gross mis-management of the belly's state of mind, but also of inconceivable stupidity. How did we get to this, you ask? Well, let me paint you a picture of the events of this past week. The defendant had to travel out of town for work. Now this is a different situation than described earlier, in that permission is not necessary, given work is directly responsible for the happiness of the belly as it is what allows the frequent trips to the green grocer and the purchase of mini drumsticks that bring the belly much joy.

So off he went to the fair isle of Galveston to hobnob with others of his ilk, sleeping in a large bed with no responsibilities while the belly was left to suffer with the tedium of work, children, and meal preparation all alone. Truly this is a crime in itself, but not why we are here today. Instead, we are here to examine the events of of last Friday morning. The very morning the poppizzle called the belly at approximately 7:30 am, to check in and make sure the belly was awake and preparing for work. He uttered a phrase so vile, so unbelievably insensitive as to be almost unspeakable in modern society. What do you have to say for yourself, lowly vermin?

The following is a transcript from the deposition of the accused: "I spoke with the belly Thursday evening, I asked her how she was feeling, and she related she was very tired from her day. I said I was going to go out to dinner, and I would call her later, and she said she was 'so tired' and would retire early. I went to dinner, which lasted late as many business dinners do, and found myself returned to the inn at around 11:00 pm. Not wanting to wake the beloved I went to sleep and awoke the next morning with calling the belly foremost in my mind"

OBEJECTION! Pure speculation on the part of the poppy wannabe only to make him look like a caring hubbin' when clearly he is not!

Sustained, he is a weasel trying to make himself sound better when clearly he is something akin to pink slime, palatable only when treated with ammonia. Proceed.

Me: "anyway, I called the belly FIRST THING in the morning to check on her. I asked her how she was, and then after confirming she was 'tired' which was completely normal in my book, I mentioned that today was trash day, and that she should take out the trash now, as to not miss the sanitation engineers"

YOU DID WHAT???? YOU CALLED HER TO TELL HER TO TAKE THE TRASH OUT???

Me: "wait, not JUST to take the trash out, well I did say, no, wait, I also asked her how she... But your twisting my words....I, just, no, wait....oh god, your right! I did it! I wanted her to take the trash out! I am despicable! I don't deserve her....please have mercy!

There you have it, I abandoned the belly and tried to manage the practical affairs of the bellydom from afar. And failed miserably. What was my first clue I boo-booed? The text I got about an hour after our phone conversation, in which the belly said "I'm glad you just called me to tell me to take the trash out". You know that sinking feeling you get when you realize you stepped in a big pile of dog pooh? Well I had it, bad.

So I have spent the last few days serving my sentence, and as far as I can tell I am on probation for at least 5 more months. But I can tell all of you my brothers in preggoness, I am guilty, guilty, guilty.

Belly - 147
Me - still zippo