Why I hate Google

Before you accuse me of being an old crotchety bastard that despises all things high-tech, I have to tell you that I consider myself a pretty modern guy. I have an iPhone, iPad, and a blackberry. I love digital content and have up until this point enjoyed the easy access to information and the lightning speed of communication. Some who know me will probably say I have a foot in both worlds, as I have often advised that personal communication is always better than electronic, but by and large I'm down with the digital. All of this being said, I have come to loath Google, or Yahoo, or whatever. As a matter of fact I would take a global shut down of the whole freaking internet for the next 5 months in order to spare myself any more agony.

What brings this on you say? It is simply the unfettered ability of the belly to seek out new and fascinating ways that everything about the critter's development is going to hell in a hand basket, like, right this second. Having been a veteran of this 9 months of altered reality, I do remember the "what to expect when you're expecting" books, also known as "how I learned to stop worrying and become completely hysterical". I remember the happy parts of each chapter followed with the last couple of pages of all the horrible complications that could occur. But that was it, not, click the link to see pictures of said calamity, no subsequent searches for specifics on the possible indicators of these gruesome problems. Especially the ridiculously benign ones like "excessive fatigue". Come on, you can't put any kind of "fatigue" as a symptom for anything without causing undo alarm, I mean as far as I can tell "fatigue" is the one thing that every belly has in every case on every continent. That's like saying "breathing" is a symptom. It's just dumb. Since the medical profession has already abandoned me, I guess I should expect no less.

Now what Google has done is taken these flights of panic into new and profoundly frightening ways, all in record time. My example: the belly calls and says "the doctor's office called with the blood test results, everything is good, but they want me to add a folic acid supplement cause it's a little low". Fine, no sweat, we'll pick some up I say. 20 minutes later a text: "we need to pick up some folic acid on the way home from work today". Okay, sheesh, didn't I already agree to that? 20 minutes later, a call.

The belly: "what are you doing?"

Me: "Just about to go into a meeting"

The belly: "I think we should go get some folic acid at lunch"

Me: "I thought we were getting some this evening?". (now don't judge, I don't know why I didn't just say "yes dear")

The belly: "No! I want to get some right now, I've been reading about what can happen if you have a folic acid deficiency (damn you to hell Google)and IT CAN LEAD THE THE BABY BEING BORN WITHOUT A SPINE AND YOU DON'T WANT OUR BABY TO HAVE THE POSTURE OF A SOCK PUPPET NOW DO YOU, MR-IM-SO-BUSY-AND-IMPORTANT THAT I WOULD RATHER GO TO A STUPID MEETING THAN GO GET SOME FOLIC ACID SO MY BABY WILL HAVE VERTEBRA!"

Me: I'll be right there

So, I hate Google, 'nuf said.