The beginning.....

Some time ago I met a beautiful woman and got married. Now this in and of itself is not remarkable except for the fact that we have 3 older children between us(both of us having prior marriages) and by older I mean the in-high-school-where-are-we-going-to-travel-first kind of older. But in a moment of delusion, we thought "wouldn't it be nice to have a baby"? Now from my perspective who am I to turn down the chance for a little extra "hanky panky". Little did I know, but was soon educated by the good Dr. Obi-wan-vagina that my darling wife's name in Latin means "fertile Myrtle" and thus 2 months later she was indeed preggers. I have to tell the whole story, in order for later items to make sense, and so with some sadness I must share that we went back for a check up and the Doc searched in vain with the Doppler device(henceforth to be known as the "bastard stick") and we were shuttled over to the hospital where we got the terrible news that she had miscarried. Not to dwell on the sadness, we processed it and moved on, letting go of the idea for the time being. We did continue without any preventive measures(as a sidebar I know it is not exactly in line with our catholicism, but hey, I have already admitted to being a divorcee, and I'm trying to be better, I swear). Now as I have mentioned earlier my lovely bride, or as I refer to her as my LBN(you figure it out) has a certain condition know as "fertilious maximus" and bam! 2 months later she was again with critter. So in 24 hrs we went from anxious, eyes-wide-open-when-you-lay-down-sleep worry, to excited, eyes-wide-open-when-you-lay-down-sleep worry. If you think it's going to get easier, you are dead wrong my friend. Now we are on are way, and I have recognized very quickly that my part in the whole conception screenplay only gives me a speaking part in the prologue(I don't even see a line until the third act) and I was quickly relegated to stage hand, key grip(that's the lighting guy right? Or the electrician? doesn't matter-I do both) and craft services. These are not in order of importance and I can tell you right here and now that keeping meals, drinks, and snacks ever-present for the star of the show is clearly job one. Because it has crystallized in my age addled brain that I must have focus, determination, resourcefulness, but above all I must.......Obey The Belly.