The backstory

Well, let me catch you all up to how we got here. As all dads to be know it goes something like this...."honey come look at the pregnancy test!" you go look, and yup, there is a blue cross. You re-read the instructions about oh, 14 times and yes, you holster your pistol, 'cause cowboy, you done did the deed. Then you wait to go to the doctor and then he says, "congratulations, you're preggers....see you in a month". Wait, what? A freakin month? But Doc, we need reassurance, a calm voice telling us it is going to all work out...but seriously, you do not expect me to go home and deal with a month's worth of anxiety by myself! Have you met my wife? Your patient? Hippocratic oath evidently don't mean shit to you brother, I mean really, a month by myself? What do i know about pregnant women? You're sending back without any back up? I. Am. Not. Worthy. Give me a minute, I'm still getting over it....sooooo, were now at 15 weeks(funny how all my time is now accounted for in weeks, if you don't know it, preggo time is only measured in weeks, each one having more significance than the last). We went back at 10 weeks and the "bastard stick" didn't pick anything up. Thank the lord the sonogram guy was waiting in the wings with the blue jelly and he ended the longest 5 minutes in the history of yours truly and showed us a grainy, image of our little critter. By the way I'm pretty sure it was shadow boxing, not an entirely good omen for the belly, and we breathed a huge sigh of relief. And now we are here, the belly has asserted itself as a very real presence, and as I have alluded to earlier, it is not be ignored, it means business. I hope only to survive.....