My new Science: Bellyology

I know, I know, it has been more than a week since I updated my bellow bellyistas on how to cope with the tribulations of bellyness.  I had hoped to give a glowing report of a renewed sense of person and the re-emergence of my wife from the state of belly.  It appears the belly is here to stay.  But now that I have had time to spend among this strange creature, I like Jane Goodall herself have slowly gained the trust of the belly and have, while not accepted into the community, at least  I am allowed to sit quietly and observe the goings-on from a distance.  They say it takes time for creatures of the wild to grow used to normal humans, and eventually, once the sense you are no longer a threat, they carry on with their normal activities such as eating, sleeping, and screeching at the top of their lungs. 

You get to see the strange and wonderful nests they build.  Just how so many pillows can end up in one place is truly amazing. (quick aside- I resented the great wall of foam, also known as the body pillow, but I am slightly ashamed to admit I woke up the other day and I had co-opted the stupid thing from the belly.  It really is comfortable to sleep with……on second thought, I am very ashamed.)  You can watch how they roam from place to place munching on every sort of foodstuff. And observe the fierceness with which they lay claim to territory and defend it with a snarl and bearing of teeth. 

So, I have arranged the periods with which I have taken in my field observations, these are not exact, mind you, but more like general periods with which you can anticipate behavior, and if you so choose, you can take preventative action:

Weeks  0-4:  the excited times, all fun and anticipation, several pregnancy tests are taken

Weeks 4-8: the terrified times, all fear and apprehension, you both may experience difficulty breathing, first appearance of the bastard stick

Weeks 8-12:  the sleepy times, the ability of the belly to remain awake and upright is severely diminished. 

Weeks 12-16:  the grouchy times, keep your hands and fingers away from the belly, and always wear head protection

Weeks 16-20:  the quiet times, yes I said quiet.  A calm before the storm, you can sense the gathering energy of the atmosphere as the belly is about to begin the big build

Weeks 20-24:  The heavy times, the big build has begun and moving is getting increasingly difficult, your belly might ask you to “build me a step so I can climb into the bed

And last, the Belly has clearly established,

Weeks 1-40, the hungry times